were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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