So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
