I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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