Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
