That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
