My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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