hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
