Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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