She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
