went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
