I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
