I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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