dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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