If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
