yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
