Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
