I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
