I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
there is glitter all over my balls
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