I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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