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As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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