I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
