bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
