pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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