he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I deserve this hangover.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
