i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
