Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
