all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
