And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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