it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
