mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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