I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
