The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
