My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
