I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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