Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
