Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
