i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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