Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
