my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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