I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
