i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
