I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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