I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
