your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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