I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
