I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
