I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
