Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
