Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
