We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
